Heh. . . oops.

I am a big fan of languages.  They're basically a huge game to me.  'Gotta catch them all' type complex.  Especially Japanese with all the kanji.  Love.  Even if its a few phrases, greetings, pick-up line, you know, whatever.  Its not to often that I get to use many of them (except Spanish of course).  Well, I had a couple dumb moments last night that I thought were pretty funny.

The bar I work at is pretty close to a deaf school. . . hearing impaired school?. . . you know I mean.  Well, from time to time we get patrons who only communicate thru sign or writing.  Last night one came in and asked for a pen.  Well, I got excited and started signing to him asking him what he wanted.  Granted I've never actually taken a class or anything, but the language fascinates me seeing as its like interpretive dance talking. . . with your hands!  Here's the first funny part.: after learning the sign for 'bottle' I go over to a bartender and let him know,
"When you have a chance, the deaf guy wants a BudLite bottle."
"Which one?"
"The deaf one. . . oh, the guy in the white shirt. . ."

Yeah, as if he was wearing a sign or something.  Oh man.  Not only that, a little later he was asking me if a guy was straight or not.  Well, I got confused because I forgot the sign for 'straight' which is rather close to the sign for 'bitch'.  Yeah. . . Hah!  Hilarity ensues.  It was a good night.  Also learned the sign for 'drunk'.  Its fun people watching with someone who uses a different language than everyone else.

Maybe I'm just used to Americans, but I find that, not always, but being able to speak in someone's language is taken for granted.  My experience in Japan this isn't true, generally any Japanese you'd try to use was warmly received and usually with a lot of excitement.  Here though. . . I find if you can't communicate in Spanish well. . . that's a whole other blog.  One afternoon, it was pouring rain and I had walked to the local Russian delicatessen which I greeted the owner in Russian with a "Lord have mercy" and she merely chuckled, repeated it and asked if I was dining in or taking out.  Didn't skip a beat or anything.  As if random young men always come in greeting her in Russian.  Who knows, maybe they do.

Though one time I got to use the three Swahili phrases I know booked quite a reaction.  I learned a few phrases from a missionary kid friend from college and one year while getting ready for Halloween at a bar I got to use them.  It was my friend, the bartender and an individual with a thick accent.  After asking where he was from so I wouldn't look like an ass I waited for the perfect opportunity.  Before a shot or something I yelled out: "tembo yango ni kali" (if there's a reader(s) out there who knows how to spell this correctly, I apologize) at which the individual's face contorted to some priceless expression.
"Do you know what you just said?"
"Yeah"
"Really?!" (this all in his thick African accent mind you)
"Yeah, 'my war elephant is fierce'"
And after some laughs a short explanation was given as to why I, a random guy in a bar, would know a pygmy war cry.  After about 10 minutes of coaching and my friend finally told me what she was teaching my I died.  We laughed so hard.

Granted I'm not that fluent at anything really other than English.  I'm more of a hobby linguist.  And ASL isn't really a secret language and I should have been more careful with my shit talking and a bar full of lesbians, especially since you can't really whisper in that one. . . but its whatever.  Just be careful when you're talking about your 'straights' and 'bitches'.

Where I live.

It was brought to my attention, by one I refer to as "Neiman Marcus Gay", that my last post was a little Debbie downer.  So I bring you something a little more light hearted.  This came to my whilst traversing via bus being yet again the only pale face.  If you could even call me that.My bus driver had the most hideous manicure and I wish I could have taken a picture to share with all of you out there.  Long nails of all different colors with rhinestones decorating each one.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Bringing me to my topic.

I live in an interesting place.  It gets talked down on quite a bit for being ghetto.  Granted I think I have two white neighbors on my cul-de-sac and the rest are minorities.  Here's the thing though.  There is for sure an artificial lake within a mile from my house.  An artificial lake that you need a membership to gain access to.  Yeah.

Not only that but the types of cars seen at the local mall are pretty impressive.  I'm not really a car person but I can recognize high end cars when I see them.  They're really shining and have super nice tires.  Not only that but they only have two doors.  I know right?!  Red ones.  Yellow ones.

Irregardlessly.

Its like PitBull though.  These people have exorbitant amounts of money they still live here.  Like, I think if you started something they would either get out of their Lamborghini  and cut you.  Or as a Lesbian friend put it: "If I went to 7-11 with Pit Bull I'd take my keys inside with me.  Because he'd steal my car.  He doesn't need to, he just would because he could."

It brings me to my next point.  I propose the people who make tv shows should consider a Real Housewives of MoVal.  It would be pure comedy.  I mean their fashion would be off, there would most certainly be some type of animal print clothing, wedges, a weave or three, and sinful amounts of money being spent on who knows what.  It would be enough material for at least one season.  People would eat it up.  I don't watch tv, but I would consider catching an episode or two.  Maybe even buy a t-shirt, but only if it was cute.  And if it had bling on it.

Closing out today will be Miss Tracy:

Eww Awkward Post.

So, its going to be an awkward post.  On the bright side I'll going to let you reader(s) on in the inside and really open up.  Those you you reader(s) who know me in real life know this is a big deal.  Maybe because I'm sure if you are really out there and this is merely becoming a digital journal.  Regardless, here I/we go.

Now, I don't in anyway want this to serve as a ploy to fish for compliments.  Compliments, believe it of not, make me feel uncomfortable.  An ex worked hard for me to just say thank you upon receiving one.  This is an earnest post and a true and honest bearing of my heart.  You may not believe me but I promise.  With that said:

I have bad self-esteem.  I also have a horrible self-image.  I promise.  The reason for this post is mainly because of this. . . I'm getting really tired of people hitting me up and flirting with me only to find out that they are hitting heavily on my friend too.  Especially since they most likely with sleep with my friend.  I'm not really looking for sex, but don't hit on my when you're going to do my friend.  Sorry.  Or, another instance, don't make eyes with me all night and cruise on me the whole night and make out with someone else.  Especially if you're that someone else and you send my text messages all the time about how into me you are.  It gets to me.

Yeah, back to the self-esteem thing.  I may be getting hit on, that's great, but while there's the ulterior texts going out. . . You know what, I'd just rather not.  And it clearly wasn't me that is the one making out at the end of the night.  Just saying.  While I'm single I also may be accused of talking to more than one person at a time, and those accusations may be accurate.  I'm not the one clearly outlining the sexual acts I want to take place though to I don't know how many other people.  shrugs  So it wears on me that I'm: not skinny enough, not attractive enough, don't have enough muscle, that I haven't bought any new clothes recently, that I'm not smart enough, any number of things that a person is prone to feeling.

So I leave you with the thought that even I, the supposed hot, full of himself guy, struggles with a pretty bad self esteem.  That I also take a lot of things to heart.

I realize that there wasn't anything funny in this post so I'll leave you with one of my favorite videos on YouTube:

Sorry, my nerd is showing. . .

I read a lot of fantasy books.  I feel with that confession this should be at a meeting.  Anyway, I read a lot period but most of the literature happens to be fantasy books.  Bought two this weekend even from the used bookstore downtown.  One from a favorite author I've read only a little by, Raymond E. Feist, and the other by George Lucas and Christ Claremont.  I mean a book written by the minds behind Star Wars and X-Men?  Umm. . . okay.  Absolutely.  Done and done even.

Well, I started escape reading in high school.  Really taking off after I took a copy of Robert Jordan's Eye of the World from the laundry room in the dorms of Northern Arizona University at the end of music camp.  (It was left there for over a week thank you!  How dare you and your assumptions.)  Before the books was a long career of RPGs that occupied my youth, that one starting with the Final Fantasy 3 (originally 6).  Needless to say my childhood and even my present. . . hood. . . is filled with goblin raids and all sorts of creatures.  Most likely where my own book idea had drew breath.  Lord knows how many pages I've consumed and how many hours have been found with a book in my hand.  Big escapist.

There was one thing that I found myself particularly jealous of.  I mean besides magic and adventures of course.  That was there is usually some physical problem.  Some bad guy.  If there was a goblin, most likely it was evil and you stabbed it with a sword.  There was a tangible enemy that was identifiable and in a lot of cases easy to pick out.  Cave troll.  Boom, eats babies, you and your three best friends, or not best friends, have to kill it.  Enemy horde?  The community has to band together and have to fight together to survive.  Granted I'm a rather big fan of indoor plumbing and running water, but having an enemy to fight would really help people find purpose in their life.

Yes I know, tons of hardships that are often left out.  Cold, blisters, finding yourself on a goblin cookfire,  no Del Taco, ending up a mere peasant with a piece of metal to defend yourself though you're arrow fodder. . .  But training maritally to protect yourself from an orc raid?  That's a purpose.  All in all I think I was mainly unsuccessful at getting my point across. . .

With that said I'll leave you with something shiny:

Where we last left our blog reader(s). . .

The last couple blogs dealt with goals and how one might define him or her self.  Well, today will be another one of those blogs.  Fears.

Fears, rational or not, play a part in who we are I feel.  They certainly affect what we do or don't do in our daily life.  Fear of drowning, fear of spiders, heights, bathing, large words, open spaces, tight spaces. . .  You name it there possibly could be a fear of it.  The Far Side comic even added a couple to the list: the fear that there is always a duck somewhere watching you, and the fear of being chased by timber wolves around the kitchen whist wearing socks on a newly waxed floor.  I personally feel those two are perfectly rational.  

I'll get down to the point.  Growing old.  Being alone.  Ending up a failure.  Those ideas strike me to the core and catch my breath in my chest.  Granted growing old can't be helped.  Not yet anyway.  But feeling those hours, minutes, seconds tick away never to be had again.  Its a lot of pressure to always be doing something productive.  Days are scheduled, slots of time allotted for activities.  I just feel I'm running out of time always.  Even if I don't have a particular task at hand, there's always Halloween coming, getting another year older, youth slipping away, losing child bearing years.  Metabolism slipping away.  

Being alone is a rough one too.  I have a theory of the One.  I have always felt that every person has that one person they go to, that one person that is their default, that one person they always want to get lunch with.  After the One the rest of the friends fall into place accordingly.  Regardless of how high I might be on people's list or how high on however many lists I often times feel that I'm not anybody's one.  That's hard.  Especially with the slight fear of commitment I have, to open myself up and make those efforts to be the One.  There's a lot of potential disappointment and hurt.  And failure.  Which I feel was pretty covered in the last one.  A close friend and I covered the topic of marriage and talked about just the nature of that type of relationship.  The best solution I felt is to abandon it altogether and to retire in a house of gays and live out the rest of your existence in the style of the Golden Girls.  Clearly the best option.  

I was surprised and plainly shocked to find my fear not listed in Wikipedia's list. Its very serious and not a laughing matter by any means.  Also I feel its perfectly rational.  The. Fear. Of. Raptors.  What?!  I saw the Jurassic Park movies!  They're fast, can open doors, work as a pack.  I don't see why more people aren't afraid of them frankly.  Yup, raptors.  Well, them and genital warts.

Umm. . . she fights ninja, how can you not love her?  Oh and Raven did another song I'd been listening to a lot.

Deeper than I wanted. . .

I apologize Right away about the morbid nature of this post.  I also don't mean to put out there any suicidal inclinations, promise.  I want to bring up my obsessive thoughts on legacy.  I don't know why it is so important to me.  Mayhaps its the possibility that I won't have children or maybe its just the American upbringing.  The thoughts of what I will leave behind or if my name will last are always pervading my conscience.  I don't ever want to be remembered as that barback at the gay bar nor would I want my funeral be occupied by family and a smattering of queers.  I don't want anyone throwing themselves from a building clutching my picture mind you, but I want some lasting impact.  I want the thoughts in my head to have some effect on the world I leave behind and hopefully even mentioned in a text book.  Now, if these are delusions of grandeur then so be it, let my life amount to the education of the future.  I find no qualm in that.

If the group mentality that surrounds me catches ahold of me and the "its supposed to be fun" lifestyle has it way I hope I still struggle.  I want to strive so that in the future there will be conferences of people enjoying my work, there will be gilded auctions of people fighting over garments I made and wearing them to lavish events, I want my plain name to stand out.  Is that desire lost on my generation?  This preoccupation of making something more than myself?  Its a desire.  Its a need.  So strong sometimes that the anxiety of it catches in my throat and stomach.

I really hope that its understood that wealth and maybe status accompanied with it aren't my goal.  I'm not dumb though, I wouldn't argue wealth nor luxuries that come with it, but that isn't my focus.  I just want to be more.  I want to leave more.  I want my philosophies and ideas, my passions and talents to be remembered and last.  To be my children I guess.  My legacy.

Try finding someone to share that with. . .

My New Year's reso. . . my Mid-Year's resolutions are:

So I'm coming to a point in my life (which milestone I've come across don't ask, I'm not sure) that I've made up my mind on some things.  Granted times like these are usually accompanied by some good earth sign, e.g.: New Year's - Capricorn, Back to school - Virgo, or even spring cleaning-Taurus.  Well, it's not one of those times.  Obviously.  These decisions and timing have just come about thru mental cleaning and cobweb clearing.  Maybe a little emotional care-taking as well.  I've decided they need to be done and with my putting them out in the universe will raise the chance of them coming to pass as well and making more of an effort to not look like a lazy bum.  I'm also trying to make the list some what specific to help complete them.  So here they are, my Mid-Year-ish Resolutions:

No resolution list is complete without the obligatory: Get in shape.  I intend on FINISHING and COMPLETING P90x before Halloween.  After starting it several times and never finishing it I want to bolden my efforts are work that out.  As others of my ilk there is that amaranthine desire to have a six-pack, washboard stomach.  This will certainly be the first step in that quest.  Along those lines I will have to agree to only eat Taco Bell like once or twice a week. . . no promises on that one though.  When P90x will be broken out tomorrow when I rearrange my room.

My next goal is to pursue a conversational ability in Chippewa (a.k.a. Ojibwa).  I have found myself often desiring some strong tie to my family.  Something somewhat unique to my family group, sans blood of course, that would help tie us together and give me some identity.  I see that as a language.  Of course no one to my knowledge can speak the tongue of our tribe except a cousin who has learned a few songs growing on the reservation.  I am not totally sure if this will help me find an anchor to an identity, but really what would it hurt.  Another language known.  I'm hoping a my love for linguists will urge me on where not have someone to practice with will hinder.  After all I'm going to start frequenting Target more just to talk with the Japanese cashier.

The next is about that book I mentioned a couple blogs ago.  I want to get more serious about it.  The development, the planning, all of it I want to really start digging into the work.  With that said, I specifically want to have three chapters done by December.  I feel that goal is obtainable.  Three chapters.  Of course, they won't be in their final form nor perfect but I want them done on paper. . . well monitor. Maybe y'all will get a preview if you're lucky and give me diet Cokes and friendship Rockstars, we'll see.

This goal is the most serious I think.  By this time next year I want my degree to be posted and full on my way to teaching full time.  Big boy job and everything.  This step I feel is the most essential to me getting my life together and moving forward.  I don't really have any more to say about this one but the gravity of it period.

On an up side I want my center splits.  Just for funsies.

With that said my diet starts tomorrow as well as my new goal oriented life.  These are all more short term goals and resolutions.  I mean, my life goal of being a back up dancer to Kylie Minogue didn't make the list, but its certainly there.  Stop in and keep me accountable.

I feel this is appropriate material:

If I thought she read books, I wouldn't judge her by her cover.

I have been listening a lot to Nicki Minaj lately.  I feel like I should ashamed of that statement alone, but I'm not.  Not at all actually.  Her songs are stock full of really witty limericks and word play that I really appreciate.  Granted there are times when phrases like "sprinkle holy water on the vampire [ire ire]" happen but. . . but nothing I love that part.  It just makes me feel uncomfortable when she brings up punting cunts and things. . .   Ehhh. . .   Regardless, I feel like a dungeon dragon rurr rurr.  Keep up the good work and I'll keep listening.  Don't you judge me reader(s)!  About the pink wig. . .

So I find myself from time to time riding public transportation.  Now, I've ridden public transportation in some of the largest cities of the word: Tokyo, London, San Francisco and even Los Angeles.  Its not quite the same.  At one point I found myself on a bus with nine to eleven individuals whom might be referred to as African Americans.  Sounds like the start of a bad porno to me.  Well, unless you're into that sort of thing.  Its fine, I won't judge I had a phase.  Anyway, back to topic.  Now, I don't myself above anyone who would need to use public transportation by any means, in fact its one of my biggest opportunities to people watch, a favorite hobby of mine.  It is times like that though I find myself in thought.  Dangerous habit I know.  This is where that path leads:

Sometime in my life, I plan of achieving a few great works.  A book series I mentioned, also a symphony and mayhaps more.  I want the works to be able to reach as many people as possible.  Along those lines, I need to know these people as well.  People who don't like the same music.  People who don't read the same books.  People who don't enjoy the same cocktails.  People who don't care to go to Taco Bell three times a week. . . shut up. Should I be that crazy person who just starts up conversations with people who don't really want to talk to you?  Should I be that uncle?  You know the one.  Would they even hear my symphony?  Beyond it being played in the background of a jewelry commercial.  Would they read my book (series)?  Would it matter?  Or should I simply get to know different people for the sake of learning that perspective.  I can go on further with this thought pattern but I fear I wouldn't make my case any clearer.  Yup that's what goes on in my head whilst on the bus.  shrugs  Maybe I should go listen to Les Mis or something. . . 

Sorry for that extended break.  Maybe I'll even be back today.  If you're lucky!

For those of you who don't know who Nicki Minaj is this will give you a good idea: 

If she can write one I sure as hell can too. . .

Where we last left our blog reader(s), before my sabbatical,  I left you an epic video from my favorite childhood movie.  That movie inspired me to start music and as well spurned on my imagination and so on.  It was that movie most likely that resulted in my day dreams and school assignments to be full of dragons.  Dragons, magic, wizards, and elves are all to be included in that nerdy category.  Regardless, its was a very lacking physical activity childhood.

One of my adolescent daydreams is teh point of this blog.  I figure if that lady can write an international best-selling series on some napkins then I sure can.  I mean I even know what those mythical creations are supposed to do!  Its like saying vampires sparkle in the sun. . . really?  No, they burst into flame or turn into dusk, lets be honest.  So, with that said I will continue on as describe this book (series) in a little detail.  So help me if someone else beats me to it, not only will it not be as good as mine, but I'll find you and you'll have an unpleasant future.

Its based off of Peter Dickens idea from Flight of the Dragons.  With the development of science and technology, magic starts loosing its power.  Though wizards knowing that inspiration comes from magical creatures have to find a way to preserve it.  As a last resort they turn to the one thing that is responsible to their demise and 100 wizards use science to invert reality into "pockets" where magic natured creatures can live and survive.  In doing so these wizards sacrifice their ability to live among their kind and most of them their lives.  There will be many of these pockets spread throughout the world and they'll be protected by "gate-keepers".  Now, each of these pockets will be divided up into climate zones and different societies.  There will be six main societies I think will meet and constantly argue as happens in books like these.  That is most of the background.

Well, the antagonist will have created some type of chemical warfare that attacks magical creatures and either kills them or turns them into aggressive, mindless creatures that attack and kill each other.  I'm feeling this antagonist will probably be a gnome, mainly because I've never liked gnomes.  That and the nature of gnomes is usually of tinkering and technology so I feel they'd probably got kicked out and are bitter.

This is where the hero comes in.  So descendent of so and so he'll inadvertently fall into a pocket with the help of an ever so beautiful, yet ever so clumsy gate-keeper and fulfill his destiny by finding the source of scourge and stopping it.  This of course will lead to finding out there are higher powers at work which will lead to more books.  I'm thinking five.  And of course a t.v. mini-series.

I mean its all a little complicated for one blog entry but let me know what you think and if you'd read it if I wasn't writing it.  Because clearly you'd read it if I'm writing it. . . right?

Now for something completely different.  This is a favorite on my playlists for when I'm cleaning or just doing naked booty dances. . .

Another break.

Well, the Bestie (afore known as the Armenian) was down visiting and thus I have been absent from my blogging duties. Fear not my seemingly fearless reader(s) but I have returned with adventures and deep thoughts that may or may not produce a sweat upon your brow.  Most likely not. . .

First I would like to bring up a humorous situation that would happen to me and I'm not sure to many others.  So my coin bank was full so off I went to cash them in.  After a short walk and a great conversation with the Girlfriend I arrived at the store and started putting them in the machine.  After a smaller amount than usual I went to go put the coins back thru that weren't accepted the first time and behold: three yen and half an Italian mark. . . really?!  Three yen I can account for, but the Italian currency?  I've never been to Italy.  I can sing some Italian and use it for my salads but that's as close as I've gotten.  Regardless I think they're back in my coin bank to be ran thru next time.

Next I want to write a little about my feelings of canceling plans.  Granted I've had to cancel a plan or two, but I mean how people will make a plan or say something with no intention than following thru.  I'd rather you not try to comfort me with making th plan in the first place, second place.  Or the empty "we should hang out" or " I'll call you".  Being intentional is where I'm going with that one I think.  On the same hand is the coming up with something instead of just being honest.  What I mean by that is when trying to make plans or inviting someone somewhere, the person responding with something that has come up or an obligatory family engagement.  I'd rather people just be up front and tell me they can't make it.  Tell me.  If your friend's band has a gig that you're planning on going to let me know.  If you forgot about that gig tell me you're not coming to mine so I don't expect you.  I will be more disappointed if the person doesn't show up to something planned then them canceling or just telling me in the first place.  I hope this all makes sense and just isn't some whiny rambling.  It means even more when the person is someone in your inner circle or someone you felt you could rely.   Just makes their reputation a bit brindled.

Well, on a happier note, my room is finally starting to take shape after two weeks.  The Bestie being here didn't help to be honest.  Our plans usually just include going to the beach and Disneyland.  See ya next month Bestie.

Well, this post I'm not going to leave you with a super-head-exploding-music video, instead since I'm feeling a little nostalgic I'll leave you with the trailer to my favorite childhood movie and one of the reasons I started music.

Don't worry, I have training.

And not as a lifeguard, though my father's one so don't worry. 

Latest adventures.

Well, not in chronological order but I find it humorous.  Last night I had a conversation with one of the bouncers and she was concerned about me not using protection.  She was noticing a new glow about me and through conversation discovered my dangerous habits and was worried for my future.  So maybe I'll start wearing sunscreen.

Other news.  Walked to the grocery store near my house.  Its 1.1 miles away.  In this Ralph's' parking lot there is a gas station.  Not only that, but in this gas station there's a Del Taco!  Daggum!  Who would of thought.  Now, I'm not one of those picky glitterbenders.  I love me some Del Taco.  Which after the possibly hundreds of drag shows I've seen I can tell you so do some fierce queens.  I'm just wonder if the two mile walk cancels out the food. . .

Now lets not all get sidetracked by but thoughts of lunch and green burritos.  Also in this parking lot is one of those magic dvd machines.  Not a Redbox, because this one is orange.  Regardless, in said machine is the first season of Glee.  To the horror of my theater students I haven't seen it.  I've heard some of the songs but do to the fact I don't watch television and the cliche reputation it had initially I never watched it.  Well, now I've seen the first two dvds.  Not gonna lie, I'm a fan.  It is reminding me how much I'm missing in my life in terms of passion and expressing myself thru song and dance.  How much joy I feel there on stage or even in an ensemble.  Basically, I need to get my act together (pardon the pun?).  

Well, the Asian is back from her trip up north so there's no longer a bunny in my closet and the Girlfriend is a mere 22 days from returning as well.  It'll be nice to have people back again.  I also have to get to the mall sometime before work tomorrow night.  I'm concerned I won't get the booty shorts for theme night in time!  Any reason to wear booty shorts right?

Well, I just found out Rihanna made a video for one of my favorite songs on her latest album.  Enjoy:

Hello, my name is theTaro and I have a drinking problem

Okay I don't in the conventional sense which there are a couple of you out there who would disagree.  Y'all can shut up.  Well I might, but I feel I don't drink any more than any homosexual working in a bar.  Let's be honest.  What I do mean though is I drink to fast.  Regardless of the substance i just drink it super quickly.  Doesn't matter what's in my glass, be it water, diet coke, vodka soda.  I'm just always so damn thirsty.  Its not my fault.  So. . . with that said, when I go out drinking I drink.  Cocktail cocktail cocktail.  By the time I'm starting to feel it and think to myself "Whoa, I need to slow down" its already to late.  I've already drank enough and once the rest of it hits me I'm done-zo.  I have to consciously make an effort to space out my drinks.  Ugh man. . . Along those lines.  I've drastically starting eating less.  Let me tell ya: not eating much means you don't have to drink NEARLY as much.  Friday I drank what normally wouldn't have affected me as much and man was I tossed.  Yup, gotta watch out for that!

Last night there was a Grindr party at my workplace.  Now I wasn't working but instead of being home alone on a Saturday with my dog (Lord knows I love her) I went out to the bar.  Wasn't really anything exciting.  I was actually a bit disappointed.  For those heterosexual reader(s) out there, Grindr is an application that lets you know where the nearest glitterbenders are.  You make a profile, chat, and send each other pictures of your pachanga.  How I spend most of my mornings.  There wasn't anything exciting and needless to say I didn't get the eleven Latinos in or around my body like I had planned.  For more information on Grindr click the link.

Other news!  At my workplace there is a bartender who is also a drag queen and hosts a variety show.  That's not the news, the news is I'm performing in it next week!  I was going to perform in another one and suggested drag which the host wasn't to keen on that idea.  Well, since then, I went out in drag and borrowed a pair of boobs.  He asked if I was planning to paint.  Hah!  We'll see.  Let me know what you think by text or e-mail.  Oh, and I decided on what I was performing.  The theme of the show is Hollywood and the songs have to have been made famous in a movie.  Every homosexual variety show needs a little Sondheim in my opinion thus my choice was selected from the movie Dick Tracy.  Sooner or Later.  And with that I will leave for your viewing pleasure:

AND. . . I'm back!

Phew I bet all you reader(s) saw that statement and let out a big ol' sigh of relief.  I will catch you up on most of what's been going on in my life and try to leave you with a deep thought or too.  I've been adding to a note on my phone of the subjects we here at TheTaro need to cover so fear not!

Where we left of with our young adventurer he was worrying and fretting over the impending doom on International Thespian Conference.  Turns out it was better and worse that he anticipated.

Oh yes!  I started you out with that image.  This lovely model is wearing a Renaissance style gown in silver, isn't she lovely.  Not only was she not embarrassed to wear it, but she rocked that thing around the  whole convention center while taking a phone call.  Bless her heart.

That was not the worst of it.  I got confused as a high schooler not once but twice, though the second time it was by another high schooler who was hitting on me.  Teach me to shave (as if that would do anything).  Also had to teach two workshops which were exhausting.  The kicker though was that my boss was assistant directing the All-State Show.  This is wonderful news!  Except that all those responsibilities that she would normally be in charge of and taking care of fell to me.  Yes.  I was in charge of the kids the whole weekend.  Bless THEIR hearts.  Don't get me wrong, my kids are an amazing group of students and don't do anything wrong, but I count myself fortunate that I would be accidentally be procuring any of my own.

Next item on the shopping list is Walmart at twelve.  The Asian implored us all to come over one evening, I believe it was a Tuesday, and wouldn't tell us why.  Well, as most of my nights back then involved drinking this was no exception.  The gang headed over to her place whilst picking up a tag-a-long and arrived a bit late.  We got there only to discover we were going to Walmart to pick up things she needed.  I'm firmly against this store as the Asian knows but went along for the sheer adventure.  The list included sharpies, glasses, and a couple other knick-knacks; I of course took the oppurtunity to acquire some lovely pink, $4, women's booty shorts.  With said, or written I suppose, items in hand we returned to drink some more and start the actual activity.  This was: we were to take a glass and write issues or problems on them.  After having filled out four each we went to a deserted area and broke them.  The idea behind it was a spiritual act of releasing frustrations and moving on from issues in your life.  I get it, I do.  Didn't really work for me though.  I think honestly its because so many of my feelings etc are so internalized that trying to embody them in a physical manifestation just doesn't work for me.  I would have to carry the glasses around with me.  Have the people on them carry them.  Drink out of them for a while, and I don't even know if that'd work.  Sorry Asian, but I appreciated it.

Right before that, the Armenian came to visit.  (naming him that makes me sound racist with "The Asian" already, I may have to name him something differently.  We'll see)  Trips with him generally involve an excursion to Disneyland and this one was no exception.  It was a fun day including us looking for Phill and hanging out in his car to charge our phones so we could meet up with his dancer. . . Hah, thats all on that one I think.

With that we'll move on to the more influential and recent charge in my life.  I moved.  The lease ended on the old place and my roommates moved to a cute house in MoVal.  Not thats not very conducive to my lifestyle (I'm white [well, mostly]).  Not the only reason, its 10.1 miles from the bar.  I have no means of conveyance.  So I looked for a place downtown.  A cute apartment to call my very own.  Well, after staying with the Asian for a few weeks I ended up moving back in with my old roommates. . . turns out, the old man next door is white.  And there's a pool.  And I'm already a little sunburnt.  I'm happy.  I just need to organize things and get settled and I think I'll be comfortable, sans the inconvenience of getting home on Friday nights. -shrugs-  Willow also doesn't like the pool and won't come near if we're outside. I may or may not have thrown her in. . .

Side note: I'm singing in a variety show, so if you can think of a song made famous by a movie let me know.  Can't be animated.  

My personal demons haven't really let up either so I'll leave you with this song by my favorite American song writer:

The weekend.

Ugh I have a lot I need to do before 2 today. . . clearly blogging is a priority.  The list of 'to do's' includes but is not limited to: finish some laundry, bathe the dog, pack for festival and make my room somewhat presentable for when The Boy picks up Willow.  Some reason that's important to me.  Anyway.  And nap. And clearly writing this blog takes precedence.  Well, I won't be able to write all weekend I think.  We'll see.

So the Thespian conference.  Ugh.  I think I'm teaching?  I could use the money, but I really don't want to. Its the same feeling of that a man crossing the Sahara dying for thirst longs for water that I don't want to teach.  I just want to sit there and tell the kids shut up.  Just saying.  But I probably will.  Dreading.  Also to add to the list of why I don't want to go, besides having to wake up early every day, be in charge of 7 boys, I have to go a day early which I don't know for sure if I can get it covered at the bar.  I really don't know what to do about that.  I'm a bit stressed out over the whole ordeal.  I guess I don't have much to write today besides complaining.  That might be for the best seeing as I have to get to work.  Blegh. Have fun this weekend, someone should.  I don't think I'll be writing till Sunday/Monday.  Y'all reader(s) can check regardless.

I'll leave you with a little Rufus who's been blessing my life for the past couple weeks.  "Why'd you have to break all my heart, couldn't you have saved a little bit of it"

Greetings and Salutations.

Karaoke is my favorite.  Especially when coupled with cocktails and old friends.  Well, new friends too for that matter.  That is how I typically spend my Monday nights.  Last night was fun because I also spent it with two old friends from high school, one of which I haven't seen for years nor had she hung out with me since I have been gay. . . you know what I mean.  As of today, nothing to much to note besides I'm waiting for a friend before going out and supporting the LGBT night in Redlands.  Having gone to high school in that area and knowing there is really nothing out there for the family, I'm all for hanging out once month.  Raven and Mayhem are hosting.  Familiar faces.

Speaking of drag queens, a peculiar thought struck me today as I watched last night's episode of RuPaul's Drag Race.  It was concerning the straight boy's apprehension to tucking.  Now, for those out there unfamiliar with the term, 'tucking' is when a drag queen hides her man pachanga so that her front is more. . . womanly.  I hope we're all clear on that.  Anyway. . . well, I just realized that I am not able to wrap my mind around the fact that a straight, butch man is so against the idea of hiding that part of himself.  Of de-masculinizing himself.  The idea that he would just have no part of it.  It doesn't make you any smaller, it comes back at the end of the night, you don't actually become a woman. . . I just don't get why its such a big deal.  It also shocked me that I'm not able to put myself in that place or mindset to be able to grasp that. -shrugs- Huh.

On a Debbie-Downer moment, it upsets me that I'm almost at a point of not trying to make plans with some people anymore. I put out and have put out a lot effort to make opportunities for some people to have a good time and fall flat on my face.  I'm not sure if I'm completely over it or if I have a few more straws before my caring back is broken, but I'm pretty frustrated.  How about you realize that I just want to hang out with you and that's more important than the $5 drink I offered to buy you.  I guess I've just been flaked on one to many times lately.  So on that note, sorry to all those out there whom I've flaked on in the past, I guess I'm just a bit irascible lately.  Taurus moon?  Wouldn't know why that would be it.

For your listening pleasure I stumbled upon this beauty in a club.  You know the one with the really loud music?  Really loud music and flannel? You know know Forever 21? The remix I heard was better but I like the original just as much.

Until tomorrow.

That's Two!

Welcome back brave souls to the second installment of my blog'o'rific thoughts!  That sound a little to excited?  Yeah I think so too.  Oh well, moving on.  Just to remind you, sadly I will not be working thru a cookbook, nor discussing my friends preferences concerning Cobb salads, though I might touch briefly on sexual exploits of mine and  a few friends in this city.

First, the Asian enjoyed her solicitation of 'Free Hugs' downtown; the total reaching a reasonable 21 1/2.  I made the beautiful sign compete with heart and sunflower.  Really only two creepers and I received merely two overflow hugs.  One I deflected into a handshake being weary of Randy, regardless of his seemingly innocent intentions.  I wasn't holding the sign after all.  After included coffee shop reading and the promised Chipotle.

All in all a success.

Today, already a success speaking of which.   Hiked Rubidoux - with a dapple coated Jack Russell named Colby (Colby Jack really?!), worked out, and two loads into my mound of laundry.  Mound is not a misnomer, promise.  This pile was in fact at least two times my size.  Needless to say, I haven't worn cute underwear in over a week.  Yeah I know, how embarrassing.

Here's my possible thought provoking insight of sorts:  I thoroughly enjoy reading what smart people have to say/write about other smart people.  This is directly in reference to a book I acquired on Tolkein. Meditations on Middle-Earth. Some of my favorite authors and some I haven't heard of write on specific points and I. Love. It.  Mainly because these people, who's vocation is the written word, can usually phrase things in ways I never thought of as well as in ways that are so eloquent that it is pure entertainment.  Now, I'm sure there are people out there (who may or may not ever read this) who will raise one point against me.  Writers=smart people?  Yeah I know, how embarrassing.  With that respect, I doubt I'll read some physicist's work on Stephen Hawking, but give me something interesting to read on a fantasy author and I'm all for it.  Eh, whatever.

I've have been blessed lately by this beauty of a song thanks to Miss Sonique Love:

I think that's it, until next time. Adieu. 

Day One.

Well, here I am again.  Entering back into the questionable lifestyle of blogging.  Luckily for you reader(s), some of the most important people in my life (the ones who can read anyway) happen to have started to blog and so I thought I would return to inflict upon you my thoughts.

Seeing as I don't do anything in my life besides read and cuddle with my puppy I can't promise anything meaningful.  The prospect of putting my thoughts out in the universe makes me nervous because I just feel pressure to make sure they are thought provoking, slightly humorous, only slightly offensive, and making you want to come back the next day for more.  And hopefully the least amount of grammatical errors possible.

I also plan on using the blog to keep myself accountable to work out, do something productive, and not drink nearly as much.

So that's the plan and to be honest I don't know if even I will be back tomorrow.  As for today, my Asian friend wants to go out holding a sign advertising free hugs.  She wants me there for protection I guess?  That and as her gay friend she wants me to help her make it hoping I'll bring my glitter.  I agreed as long as there was Chipotle involved.  Other than that on the schedule: Chest and Back/cardio, walk the dog, and e-mail the lady about information concerning the workshops I have to teach.