How do you feel. . .

Okay.  Here is a rant of mine:

I have been hired to sub into a dinner theater.  The first time I had no rehearsals, a couple run thru of the two songs with the pianist (who wasn't the regular), an hour long phone call about blocking, and was hungover beyond belief.  It was a rough first show.  That is an understatement.  I got thru it and that's what matters.  Not only that but a table of ladies at the dinner theater showed up to the bar and had nothing but compliments for me.  Once I revealed who I was, half their part wasn't so sure about if it was me or not.

 Well, before the second time I did the show there was a rehearsal called.  With the director no less!!  Again I was hungover. . . a trend it seemed.  Regardless, the role I called in for the director worked with me pretty extensively and we strove for this 20's male dominance strive to put the woman in her place feel.  It was intense to say the least.  Especially since I hadn't looked at the script since the month before when I did the show the last time.  Rough again.  Luckily the Hero (again, y'all reader(s) may get that story) and I were having lunch and he was able to drop me off to a call time three hours before I thought I was called.  Later in that rehearsal the director worked with the alpha cast (or whatever they're called).  The guy who usually does it, and is married, played the role SO GAY.  Lemme tell you.  Camp. Camp. Camp.  I was confused as to how I was supposed to play the role needless to say.  Even after the whole afternoon of "How does he feel? How would he react to this? What would he say to her after that?"

Organic theater.

I hate it.  Truly and honestly.  I am just an actor and play one role.  I don't see the whole picture.  I certainly don't really know your whole picture.  I develop a character, don't get me wrong.  At the same time I would really like you to tell me what you want.  None of this "how does this make you feel" bull.  How do you want this scene?  How does this scene fit into your show?  Where do these characters go from here and what affect do you want them to have to build the rest of your show?  That's what I want.  How does this fit into your bigger picture?  None of this How does he feel about this argument crap?  I don't know, you tell me.  I'm working in your painting right now.   I can't really see the forest when I'm in the middle of it, now can I?

Organic?  Blegh.  I love real.  That's fine.  I'll find that when I see where I came from and where I'm going.  If you help me develop your whole show, I'll find it even faster.  If I know what I'm working with I can develop something that helps the greater whole.  Moves that along.  Everybody is furthered along.  Better show.  That scene will come and move towards the show as a whole after I see the show as a whole.

Sure there may be an argument about the show as a whole coming along after the scenes develop.   Lets be honest thats like putting together a house after developing and deciding how each room individually looks.  Talk about a weird shaped house.

Talk about characters.

Power of Words

I attended a show of my sister some weeks ago.  It is not my favorite show.  At all.  The only redeeming point was the leading actor.  He is simply amazing.  Well, was amazing in this show.  It has closed.  Which is really fine with me.  Again not my favorite.  Anyway.

 Every moment he was on.  Every look.  Every sideway glance.  Everything had a purpose and everything was in the role and engaging.  It was during this show that I realized as an actor what I had to strive for in my craft and in my career.  100% of the time he was on.  I honestly have no experienced (maybe due to me close seats) this level of theater.  At least by him.  The rest of the cast was what you'd expect from that show.  Yeah, I said it.  To my friends in the cast (who most likely won't read this) sorry 'bout it, you were good but expectantly campy.

Here is where I get to my point.  This man who is married to a beautiful and talented woman, I have worked with before on another show.  Regardless, during that show I had the HUGEST crush on him. Harmless school girl crush.  That was before I saw him perform.  After I saw him perform, oh man. . . Yeah, it was bad.  So, as I was waiting for my sister outside I was keeping an eye out for him.  Just to say hi to this man who was in even higher regards than before.  Well, he didn't come out.  I was fine with that, I promise even though I really just wanted him to know I saw the show.  (Even to remind him I was out there if not to hire me again. . . really)

Well, must to my delight as my grandparents were heralding off my sister to dinner and I was leaving to say goodbye to my aunt and collect a bag of oranges (she randomly bought several pounds [into juicing or something]) he left the back door.  I called out and didn't think her heard me but at the last minute turned around and saw me.  Recognized me and came in for a hug.  Top ten best hugs ever!  We chatted for a bit and after that he complemented me.  My physical appearance.  I was so elated.  Seriously, we're talking walking on clouds.  This guy who I think is really attractive and incredibly talented complimented me.

Okay, here's my actual point.  The power of words.  This person I respect said a mere sentence to me and it held such an incredible weight.  I was floating feet above the ground for I don't know how long.  Well, I don't know if there are people who hold me in that same esteem, but maybe I should be more liberal with the compliments.  If my day can be made so easily then maybe I can make someone else's in the same way.  All more in my quest to be positive and happy I guess.  I really don't know nor do I think myself high enough that my words carry that weight but it won't hurt to do and would be so much more to someone else when done.  Go out and complement someone's hair.  Make their day.  Who knows, you might be their secret high school girl crush.

People make mistakes. . .

Sorry 'bout it.  This is going to be one of those complainey posts. . .  First of all I this doesn't apply to the reader(s) who read this.  Frankly, it will most likely fall on deaf ears. . . well, eyes to those in my life I would really like to know my feelings on this subject.  So on deaf eyes I make my argument, my stand, my complainings.  With no more preamble: my feelings.

More often then not I feel a friend of convenience.  Again this doesn't apply to who mostly likely read this.  I care a lot about the people in my life.  I go out of my way to make sure that they are taken care of and have special events happen in their lives.  So, its a big deal to make and I put a lot of effort into relationships that I care about.

This brings to my initial point.  I feel often I'm merely a friend of convenience.  I'm the person handy to have around.  I'm the person that seems to be on the "oh yeah, invite him!" list.  I'm the "I've had a bad day and don't want to talk to the people I usually do and he's probably still awake" friend.  I'm the when no one else is around I'm guaranteed to till be available and willing to talk friend.  Oh, we need a fourth. The here's going on in my life that I need to vent but have no idea on what's going on in yours friend.  Just convenient.  Just here when you need me.

Sans my inner circle, it really disappoints me that this is how I feel about people I've seriously invested in and care/have cared about.  People I thought I was generally special too.  I guess I'm just tired of being the passive, supportive, always there for you with no reciprocation friend.  I put in the work and make the connections and when you need me I'm there for you and make you feel special, welcome, loved and then when you don't need me I don't hear from here from you.  Happens in lots of facets of my life.  "We don't need you right now so we'll just put you over here. . . oh man, things went to the shitter I really need your help."  Lots.  Of.  Facets.

Maybe I should stop being there for people.  Hah, I say that but it'd never work.  I'm pretty much a sucker.  Granted I wear a "carefully manufactured persona" and I keep my feelings, hurt or otherwise, put away and I doubt I'd really tell someone to their face that this is how I feel they're doing to me, its certainly fun to imagine.  I actually had a text message about this very thing to one of these people.  Sadly, he's rather blonde and had no idea I was talking about him-to him.  He happened to agree with me the whole time.  About how much we dislike these people. He's been one of them to me for years.  If only he'd realize.  You know what though?  Next time he's tired of his other friends, needs to complain, is hurt by someone, everyone else in his life forgets some important date; I'll be there for him.  Like usual.  Like always before.  And I'll have the same feeling.

ugh.  I've read three books this week.  Again these frustrations don't apply to the reader(s) who reads this.  Neiman Marcus gay.  The Armenian.  The Hero (that story may or may not be shared).

Enjoy this video that makes me happy every time:
My smile

That's the plan anyway

I haven't booked any shows for the summer so my plan is pretty simple.  Get tan and skinny.

I've started swimming daily and not just splashy splashy swimming distance.  Granted I'm swimming laps in the pool in my backyard so its a lot of laps.  60 laps both way to be exact.  That's a mile.  Seeing as I get distracted easily I've taken to using pennies as counters and carrying them from one end of the pool to the other.  This allows my mind to wander to my book, drink recipes, what my plan for adventure is that day, evil plots to take over the world, outfits, drag routines, you know whatever.  And when the pennies are done so is my swim.  I'm excited also for this summer to do a couple swims.  The pier to pier and some other mile long swim.  Ta Da!!!  Fancy!!!  This also helps the tan along.  Bingbangboom I'll do everyone!

Another tool I'm using is fitocracy.  Its basically what every n3rd needs to get fit.  Seriously, if I had this as a kid I would be in amazing shape.  Here's the run down.  Its a fitness social network.  You log in your exercises and it calculates them and gives you experience points.  The more experience points the more levels you gain.  Its a real life rpg that makes you buff.  The end.  People can follow you and "give you props" on work outs, levels, and other achievements.  There are also "quests for the king" that you can do that range from dead lifts, marathons, big routines to:

Which I completed.  Yeah buddy.  The dancing even has different details you can fill out from pole dancing to video game dancing.  Talk about thorough.  So yeah.  You can follow me and keep on me to make sure I continue my quest of getting tan and skinny.  Its makes exercise fun!  (almost) But its better than nothing.  Plus this really hot guy keeps giving me props.  We're probably going to get married.  Its fine.  

Moral:  When I get skinny and hot I'll join Kazaky and dance background to Madonna.

(though they're not that tan. . .

Welcome to your friendly neighborhood bar.

My place of employment is pretty unique.  The best way to describe it is your neighborhood bar.  We have a strong regular base.  Which is good because whenever you go out there is more often someone there you know.  They might not always know your name, but close enough.  If anything, there's always someone in a corner you can go sit next to and judge people.  There's plenty of material to work with.

Regulars.  There are a number of them.  And to me they fall into two categories.  The good regulars and the bad regulars.  No names as always and if you feel you fall in one or the other category I will not confirm nor deny which one you're in.  shrugs. So. I obviously am a big fan of the good regulars.  These are the put together regulars.  The regulars who like to have a good time.  The fun ones.  The ones who bring us food.  Jello shots.  All sorts of things.  The good regulars we wouldn't mind having over to our house.  When they come in we're generally pleased to see them.  A couple comes in often and definitely fall into the good regular category.  Fun loving people who lift up the environment with their attitude.  Someone I definitely wouldn't mind sitting in a corner with, sharing a cocktail, and reading people.

Bad regulars.  Don't get me wrong, people all have their own opinions on others.  Again I will not confirm nor deny your place on this list.  People who fall on the bad regular list are people I definitely would not invite to my house.  I might even avoid them if I saw them in the grocery.  Just saying.  I've been trying to stay positive but I kind of have to get this out.  Negative people and people not put together.  Gah!  I don't know Lord knows I've been messy.  Multiple times.  But I'm learning more and more how much everyone's attitudes affect one another.  Yeah, duh right?  Its even more so than you think.  As a teacher I think about the environment I'm in charge of and try to make it positive.  I'm not sure exactly what I'm saying.  Or even trying to.  By say of course I mean write.  Moral of the story (blog) is try to be someone who makes the room better when you walk in.  Things happen and problems happen.  How you approach them is all the difference.  All about the choices.

-"Ah man, my life sucks."
-"Phew things are rough, this is how I'm working on fixing them."

Be a good regular. Make more fun. Make jello shots.

Any of this make sense or did I just ramble a lot? I'm still working on making the right choices.  If that none of that makes sense watch this Rihanna video:
Bam

Observations from last night

This has been a long week.  Out of the seven days this week I worked at the bar for six.  Last night was the crown that topped it all.  So based on my mood I made some keen observations.

First and for most and most importantly: gogo dancers should not wear underwear from Target.  Sorry about it.  I don't care how cute you think your camo briefs are. . . they still got that label on the waste band.  Just saying.  You're only wearing a couple articles of clothing. . . spend more than $5 on it please.  Thanks.  I know you got all three pairs in one pack but really?

Another thing is sometimes I feel like Mrs. Lovett.  Not anything about baking people into pies so fear not, but from one specific moment.  Mainly I just feel like calling out.  But the moment in act 2 when she finds Lucy and cries out about Lucy always plaguing her.  Just people of my past keep creeping up when I try my best to put them behind me.  Yet I find them in the basement when I think that everything is going so well.  I don't really know how to put it.  This happens with a couple people but last night was one specifically.  Just when I do my best to forget he's brought up, posts on something, or shows up.  Why must you always plague me.  There's another as well.  Things will go well, lots of great conversation, Oh, you're going to come see my show?! then nothing and when I'm done with it and over it- he texts me.  Of course.  You know?  Maybe one day I will open that pie shop.  We'll see.  I do enjoy baking.

Luckily for me, a couple people were there that saved me from really falling in a dark place.  The Armenian and Green Eyes were out.  So when I needed just a moment I was able to get a reprieve.  It was a busy night/week so I couldn't take too long.  But thank you you two.  Gold stars and +20 points.

If only today were over.  Big plans for next weekend.  I can't wait.  It'll be quite a breath of fresh air.

Quiet already!

This may seem a bit queer, especially being posted in a blog, but bear with me. Also, the thoughts below are stated with maybe a 95% accuracy. Welcome back by the way. I've been gone for a bit and I will again give you promises of diligence and fulfilling the wild with all my inane thoughts. With that stated lets continue. I tend to live my life quietly. Unless I'm stage of course. I don't like talking above others. I don't slam doors. Even when I walk I tend to step lightly. I honestly try to live my life without to much noise, figuratively and literally. As drama free as possible. I try not to make waves. Now you see the reason for the preface seeing as this is a weird post for an opinion-driven blog. I like my music loud but even then it's still some what contained. With that stated I struggle with loud people. People who feel the need to shout over others. People who bump bad music with their windows down. People who stomp thru their life most likely not realizing how much they affect other people left in their chaotic wake. People who feel the need to post in all caps large dramatic statements on social networks. This brings me to my next post. If you feel the need to voice online about how much you dislike a person or not care for them.... Would it not be easier to simply un-friend them? Instead of posting some dramatic, negative comment merely delete them from your friends list. It really saves the rest of us from your negativety. AND if the person really cared and followed you up on why you removed them that will give you a perfect opportunity to explain to them why you are unhappy. Leave me and the rest of your 199 friends out of it so we can get back to entertaining memes, amusing e-cards, and every present pictures and post of our friend's babies covered in their latest meal. Now I'm not faultless in dramatic posts, but in the nine or so years of having Facebook I believe their have been two alcohol-induced, dramatic posts. So please forgive me for them, especially since they were said out of great disappointment and deleted the next day. Take up painting, knitting, horse rearing, sidewalk chalk art, I don't know, just find some quiet way to express yourself and learn to be more aware of those around you. Mr. Facebook, myself, and your 199 other friends (well most of us) don't want to read it. I'm sure you have plenty other topics and daily doings we would live to learn about... Maybe. So before you get deleted from my friends list get on it and think positive. And learn not to stomp around. Thank you. Sorry reader(s) for my absence. Update on my daily life might be coming soon. You can now follow me on my new toy of Instagram- thetaro. Not all my pictures get posted to my FB. I'll promise yet again to be more diligent about posting my thoughts and opinions. Enjoy your weekend. Sorry Neiman Marcus gay, maybe you'll get the next one.

What you're paying for...

First of all to my loyal reader(s) I apologize for disappearing off the Intertubes for so long. I'm back... I think. We'll see. Prometheus has left us and so I'm resorting to using my phone and seeing the typical length Of my posts I find this a bit tedious. So again, we'll see. In order to loose as much weight as possible before opening in my next show I gave up drinking. There were some exceptions: Monday nights, social reasons, WeHo. It wasn't a serious pact but something to augment my intense dance rehearsals. (there may be a more serious plan coming up soon, stay posted) With that stated I've come to se conclusions and realizations. I'll start with the bar setting. I hope all you reader(s) out there that it'd be extremely cheaper to buy a bottle and drink at home. A lot cheaper. For example: say for a night in if one were to buy a bottle of Absolut vodka and a mixer it would come out to about $20. Now, my bar has amazing drink prices let alone specials. On Friday nights you can an Absolut cocktail for $3.50. Just because I work there lets say $5.00 with tip. Now for that aforementioned $20 you'd only be able to get four drinks at the bar and that's my cheap step-above-a-dive-bar bar. You know how many "drinks" is in a bottle of vodka? Hell of a lot more than four. Take a moment to prices that. Welcome back. Now let's discuss possible reasons with people go out. Essentially what you, the bar patron, is paying for: -the bartender. Expertise and knowledge of drink recipes and mixology. -drink selections. My bar alone has over 30 types of vodka and we get new promotions all the time. No reason for you to have that much booze at home. -music/environment. We have a lot of the latest dance and pop music which we blast creating a fun place to dance -people. Let's be honest. Not all of the people you drink with you'd want at your house. -security. Hah! Sometimes. -cleanup. The dirty glasses, cigarettes and trash, annoying g puking girl, all that's taken care of. Those seem to be the big ones. Let alone the social setting period. So that's what the bar goer is paying for with the extra each cocktail. I always find it interesting when people complain about rude bar staff. Not only do you not have to be a bar, but there are three more on that street alone. You know how your drunk friend is kind of annoying and hard to deal sometimes? Multiply that by 200 then think about being bitchy to a bar staff or not tipping. Just a friendly reminder. Oh, and while you're here, ask your heterosexual Hal friends why its cool to hang out at the gay bar. I'm dying to know. I'll be back soon, miss ya!