But I don't wanna

I don’t know what to do. Literally and figuratively.  The weight of some upcoming responsibilities is a lot to deal with and though I should work on them and take care of what I can I don’t know how to approach them nor where to start.  So I sit here.  Wondering.  Wondering and very restless.  I wonder what I used to do on the internet that occupied so much of my time in college, and no it wasn’t “that”.  These impending responsibilities were brought up in a conversation with close friend and he didn’t realize the full extent of what’s going on.  Not many really do.  I feel like I’m going on and I don’t have a safety net.  Yet, I go on unerringly so much so that nobody realizes the tumultuous condition my mind is in. 

I’m actually getting a lot of flack from the director of the show I’m currently doing.  She’s trying to strip away my persona or façade so my character can show emotions.  Granted I think this is the complete opposite of my character would do, but it’s her show so whatever.  Talk about breaking out of comfort zones though.  I mean this woman is determined.  I found it funny that my character has trouble saying "I love you". I had a private little smirk about that.  

So cautious and weary about what to do and which direction I go, I sit here.  My psychologist (not really but a friends and a crush who is one) would be rather disappointed in me.  He’d give me some advice about just getting up and doing it or go exercise or something.  Speaking of, I’ve been on a no sugar/carbs diet for the last week and a half.  Though it works, I’m tired of that crap.  I just want a burrito or some pizza.  And you order less and usually have to pay for more.  Explain that one to me please.

I’ve gotten quite bored trolling FB so we’ll see what I bring myself to do.  I did download some music of one of my favorite . . . dj’s earlier.  He remixes music and I think he’s brilliant.  I’m pretty my plan will involve “acquiring” some foreign language software and hiding in a linguistic paradise of French, Russian and revisiting an old friend of Japanese.  Yes, that plan sounds best. 

I’ll leave with this treat.  One of my favorite songs of that aforementioned artist: 

 post script: Replaced my toothbrush.  a favorite feeling for sure is using a new toothbrush.